My Thoughts on Pretty Privilege

A few blogs ago, I wrote about beauty standards. Although this topic will be going in a slightly different direction, I consider this a kind of part two to that blog post. Pretty privilege has been making its rounds in the cultural zeitgeist for the past two maybe three years. I always found the topic interesting (probably because of my own vanity) and very relevant to the culture today. Allegedly whether or not you have pretty privilege it can make an individual’s life easier or harder, open doors that wouldn’t have been open if you didn’t have it and can give you opportunities you wouldn’t have otherwise. I think that it’s one of those concepts that have always been around because humans have eyes for a reason, so attractiveness and looks are always going to be at the forefront of our consciousness. But without further ado, let’s get into it!

So what actually is pretty privilege? 

In short, pretty privilege is a concept that physically or conventionally attractive people receive preferential treatment across a wide range of contexts. It’s basically a form of ‘The Halo Effect’ which is when we often associate someone’s looks or attractiveness levels with how good of a person they are. I’ve said this once and I'll say it again. Humans are superficial creatures, no matter how much we pontificate about ‘inner beauty’, how you look matters. It’s not a fun reality but it is what it is. Yes, the more attractive you are, generally, the easier your life will be. We can even see this play out in corporate America. Taller men are more likely to be higher earners and women who wear makeup are more likely to be promoted. Looks also make a difference in how you’re treated in certain environments. The pretty girls get access to sections and V.I.P at clubs, they may get free stuff, attention, and opportunities to be in rooms they wouldn’t be in if they weren’t attractive. Is it fair? Absolutely not. In a perfect world people would actually be judged by who they are in character and not just by some genetic advantage they may or may not have. But alas, it is not the world we live in. 

Being pretty is a CHOICE. 

And I will die on that hill. I think it’s important to note that anyone can acquire pretty privileges if they have the right products. That’s what I love about glamor. I think that celebrating ‘natural beauty’ is overrated. Mostly because I think it’s overrated to congratulate people for a genetic advantage. Glamor on the other hand, celebrates what each individual can create. I truly believe that it’s the most creative people who win in this world. So with glamor you can turn yourself into anything you want to be. I will repeat, if an ugly man can turn himself into a beautiful woman, you have no excuse. So look your best everyday. Stop saving your ‘good clothes’ for a special occasion! Everyday that you wake up with breath in your lungs is a day you should celebrate. And you don’t have to take my word for it. Do an experiment. Go out one day dressed down, looking sloppy, hair looking unkempt (like how most of y’all look tbh) and then another time go out looking your best. I can almost guarantee you that you will reap the benefits of pretty privilege the second time around. Looking your best shows that you prioritize yourself. And ultimately that’s what pretty privilege is, someone who is perceived to prioritize themselves. Trust me, no one will see the value in you, unless you see the value in yourself.

Do I experience pretty privilege? 

I’m going to be honest. Yeah, I do. And I will say that the reason I do is because I am always the number one priority to myself. Per my last paragraph I think others can tell that I put a high price value on myself. I expect the best out of myself so in turn, I expect the best out of the people around me. In my article about beauty standards, I will reiterate, I am not the beauty standard per the United States of America. Did that stop me from experiencing all the things I experienced because of pretty privilege? Nope. I’ve gotten the opportunity to meet celebrities, receive expensive gifts, free stuff, skip lines to places, be in rooms with literal royalty, and much more. Because being pretty, and attractive is a choice, I've created my own pretty privilege and work with whatever I have naturally and enhance those things. I’m no supermodel but I understand the power in activating your pretty privilege. It’s looking good but also carrying yourself well, and your energy. And you can activate yours as well. Figure out your best look whether that’s through makeup, clothes, hairstyle etc, it’s not just superficial to enhance yourself. You are also pouring into yourself and spending time with yourself. But with all of that being said…

Pretty can only take you so far. 

Looks are a big part of receiving pretty privileges but your personality, intelligence, interests, finesse, and sense of self are what really put you ahead of the game. And I guess this message is mostly for women who solely think they can rely on looks (and some can). Especially women who want to date certain types of men (rich/wealthy). How you look will bring them in but do you also have something going for yourself? Certain men didn’t get to where they are by giving away their money frivolously. They want to make sure they are investing in someone worthwhile and getting something out of it. And people who live upscale lives and in upscale environments know the art of good conversation. I’ve been to parties of very “important” people where a guy would bring a date who was very beautiful, maybe an Instagram model (no shade) and she would literally just stand there doe eyed, contributing nothing to the conversation and guess what? You wouldn’t see her at the next function, or the function after that. I always say even if you’re not the prettiest in the room, you can always be the most interesting. And no, I do not subscribe to that dichotomy that women can only ever be beautiful or interesting but my point is, I've seen personality trump looks on a number of occasions. I’ve dated generous men and I'm married to a man who has invested in me heavily and while he absolutely does like how I look, I think it also has to do with who I am as a person. He likes my humor, my personality and ultimately that I am always learning and that I will always have something going for me. I think it’s easy to see a person and think that they got where they are, or got something because of how they look but I don’t think it’s that simple. There are a lot of pretty girls working in the drive-thru (again no shade). You have to have a little bit of hustle behind you as well. Looks also fade. I know it’s cliche but it’s true. Once you’ve cashed your pretty privilege check, what do you have left? While you’re using your pretty privilege make sure you invest (or get someone to invest) in something tangible that will carry you over. Whether that’s degrees, certification, investment properties (in your name), or other educational pursuits, always have something in your back pocket that you will always benefit from. 

There is a darkside to pretty privilege. 

Quite honestly there is a flipside to the benefits of experiencing pretty privilege. Like everything in life, there are no free lunches, it comes with a cost. One of the biggest ideological downsides of capitalizing on pretty privilege is that you're doing so by playing into patriarchal narratives about what it is to be an “ideal woman”. Now I'm not here to preach about “dIsMaNtLe tHe pAtRiArChy” because that system is not going away anytime soon. However, within the system of patriarchy women are objects and prizes in the games men play. I don’t believe in infantilizing women, so if you’re using your looks to get what you can from this flawed system more power to you because that’s certainly the game I’m playing. But do not fool yourself into thinking that it is not a function of it. Just get what you can and go. Another downside of being attractive is (well at least at first) it’s hard to decipher people's intentions with you. Do people like you for you, or the perceived status they get by being associated with you? This goes for both men and women. I’ve heard of women using exceptionally pretty women to draw in the attention of men and men using these women to elevate themselves in the eyes of others. Now, this is why I believe in getting compensated while dealing with men because there are many men out there who will use your beauty and your life force energy while devaluing you as a human being and before y’all start, no, not ALL men. But it is always a man doing this. But I’ll be honest, while there are downsides I’d much rather have pretty privilege than not. Sorry.

Overall, much like life, pretty privilege is something you make it. While there is always a cost benefit to be considered, I think anyone can, if they so choose, access it. And while there is much to unpack about this concept, for the most part it isn’t that deep. I think as women moving through a patriarchal system, we should use every tool at our disposal to reach whatever goal(s) we want. And that’s what pretty privilege is. It is a Tool not a goal. In the infamous words of  Missy Eliot  “Ain’t no shame, baby do ya’ thang, just make sure you're ahead of the game.”