Rejecting Girl boss Culture.

In the mid-2010s the term “girlboss” took over the minds, consciousness, and activities of millennial women everywhere. What is a girlboss? According to a quick Google search on Beyonce’s internet, a girlboss is: an ambitious and successful woman (especially a business woman or entrepreneur). Now, on the surface there’s nothing wrong with that. I think it’s great that women reach every corner, every echelon of the corporate ladder and political spectrum. I think women can literally do anything they want to or set their minds to. I actually think that in general, we as women can work circles around most men and do it in 6 inch heels. And that is the messaging most women and girls (born after 1960) were sold. “You can do anything a man can do.” was packaged and regurgitated by second and third wave feminists, so much so that it still even rings in my ears from time to time. But guess what? Some of us vehemently reject this narrative because the underlying, unspoken rule is that you can be anything you want as long as you're breaking glass ceilings and rejecting anything that would be a hindrance to your success such as a family. And God forbid you actually think family is a more worthwhile investment of your time than becoming a CEO, or a renegade in your field. No, this article is for the girls who don’t boss, the girls who like to homestead, bake pies for the PTO meetings, and enjoy a softer, slower life.

No, I've never had a dream career. I do not dream of labor.

Although, I in general do not believe in disclaimers, I will give one here. I respect all women, from all walks of life, that includes career driven women who fit the girlboss description. Almost every single woman in my life falls into that category, and I would never dream of denigrating what they do because they all do important, impressive, and imperative work. With that being said, that was never, and will never be me. I remember when I was a little girl, my grandmother asked me what I wanted when I grew up. I replied “A husband and a maid”. When hard pressed by peers, or teachers, I would always pick fun jobs, like a food critic, or a cartoonist. Nothing that was too serious, or required a lot of super hard work on my end. However, I always just assumed because of all the messaging I received from everywhere, that I’d have a high powered career. In my early twenties, I guess you could sort of say I was a girlboss. I worked a 9-5, became a business owner, and was a freelance writer for a few online publications. I made a lot of money, I worked practically seven days a week, including on holidays and my lunch breaks. But in 2020, that all changed. My job ended, my business was no longer feasible because it relied on in-person interactions, and the magazines I worked for either laid me off, or folded. At first I was absolutely devastated. It felt like everything I worked for collapsed all at once. And then as the year went on, I realized, holy crap! I can do whatever I want. Even though there weren’t many places anyone could go I picked up a new hobby, reignited my old hobbies, shopped whenever I wanted, hung out with my friends and my then boyfriend, and went to cosmetology school. For the first time since I was practically a kid, I felt free and very happy. And even though this is what I’ve been secretly craving, I felt that it couldn’t last forever. Eventually I knew I'd have to get back to girlbossing. However, in 2022 after my temp assignment at the time ended, I decided (along with my very supportive husband) to damn this all to hell. Although I felt my work at a children’s nonprofit was fulfilling, it wasn’t fulfilling enough for me to continue.

Black women have been girl bossing since the beginning of time.

In case you’ve never seen the picture in the “about section” on my blog. I am a black woman. And very proud of that fact. But there is no doubt that as a black woman, my history within the Americas is quite complicated and touchy. I mean, even though there were black indigenous people because Africa literally had trade routes everywhere, most of us just didn’t end up here. Due to slavery, reconstruction, Jim Crow, and racism in general black women went from being abused slaves, to abused sharecroppers, to abused maids for upper class whites, to mistreated in corporate america. Black women have been girlbossing since we got to America and for better or worse, the messaging we received from both inside and outside the culture is that we were meant for a life of productivity. Shoot, the first, if not one of the first girl bosses in the way that we recognize them was a black woman. The good sis Madame C.J. Walker was the first recorded self made female millionaire in the history of America. And one of my favorite girl bosses, my late great grandmother, received her masters degree at a time when most people, much less most women, and even more than that, many black women mostly only had a high school education. In modern times, black women are the most educated group by race and gender. Growing up I didn’t even know black housewives, or stay at home moms existed. Of course just because I personally didn’t know of any doesn’t mean that they just didn’t exist. Quiet as it’s kept, there are many black homemakers and housewives not just in America but abroad as well. It just seems that they go about their business and live their lives quietly.

Answering the most popular question I get.

“So what do you do all day?” If you are a stay at home mom/wife you most likely get this very annoying and trite question quite often. And depending on my mood or my relationship to the person asking, I’ll usually say “I don’t do anything.” or “whatever I want to do.” Those answers are usually reserved for people I don’t know that well, or care to know further but we’re all friends here right? So, I'll let you in on a little known secret. It’s generally hard for us to answer that question not because we don’t do anything but because we do all things. We’re the house managers, we set the culture and mood of the home. if you have kids, the chauffeur, chef, housekeeper, laundromat, caregiver. If you were to outsource all of those jobs it would be extremely expensive. I do not have any children right now so my days are a little more flexible. I usually wake up and get ready for the day. Depending on what day it is, I'll run my errands, manage my investments, go grocery shopping, and straighten up the house. I usually clean a little bit everyday so the house is never dirty and deep clean one room per every few days. After I finish all the things I need to do, I get to focus on my passions. I write and run this blog, I’m a passionate seamstress, and enjoy baking. When I’m not doing those things I’m usually out with my girlfriends, working out, or one of my absolute favorite activities, shopping. Along with my hobbies, I take the time to learn new skills. For example, this year I'm learning how to code and will hopefully start accumulating certificates beginning next year. I am also college educated and a (non-practicing) cosmetologist. Honestly, when you’re not beholden to a job, you’re able to accomplish a lot. I think there is a big misconception about housewives, or stay at home moms because to the general public, they think we are lazy. However, most of the ones I know of run their own businesses, own and manage property, and are very formally educated. We just chose a different path. Rather than working and hustling to make someone else, or another company rich, we’d rather reserve that energy to better our families, and better ourselves.

Overall rejection of girlboss culture isn’t about rejecting work, or doing nothing (although some people do think of it that way). It’s about forging your own path and ultimately living life on your own terms. You don’t need to follow what the culture, or even your friends and family says you have to do to be successful. Some women want to be girl bosses and that’s great! Some of us have no desire to be like that and that’s okay too. The point of the journey of life is that it is your own and it’s your job to make it what you want it to be. Those who are creative in this world are ultimately the ones who become the most successful in getting what they want. So take time to figure out how you want to live and live it to the fullest.